stillbirthFirst post on a new blog. What should I write, what should I write… maybe it’s best to start with an answer to the question- why am I talking about stillbirth.
The first simple reason is because I want to.
I want to talk about stillbirth because I think it is not talked about enough. People try to avoid this topic. They do this because stillbirth is a difficult thing to hear about. So much pain, deep sadness, and the sheer thought that a pregnancy can end with the death of our baby is a hard thing to handle.
But reality sometimes makes us face hard things to handle.
And life sometimes forces us to go through difficult things like stillbirth.
Conclusion: sometimes, life’s really shitty.

I don’t think this is a good reason to go on with the silence that is a part of stillbirth. I would suggest to change the rules and talk abut all those things we were told to not speak of over the years: our struggles, traumas, loneliness, anger, sadness…
If we talk about it more maybe it will be a little less difficult. Maybe we will be able to help others who go through similar struggles. If we’ll talk about it more, maybe we won’t feel so alone with our feelings.
I am not a fan of silences that hide emotions and feelings, especially around trauma.

This understanding brings me to the second reason why I want to talk about stillbirth:
I wish the loss I went through will have a meaning.
I don’t know why I went through stillbirth. I don’t know why I had to go through 37 weeks + 3 days of pregnancy, with all the check up’s and discomfort and everything that pregnancy brings with it, all this for….. what exactly?
Why did I have to lose a baby?

There’s no one answer to this question. It’s one of those things that the answer is up to us. I can decide the answer to this question. If there’s a meaning that I can connect with, I just might feel more at peace with this experience. I might understand why I went through stillbirth. 1 of 4 pregnancies ends in stillbirth, why was my pregnancy this one? Why did this happen to me?
I realise now, as I write this, just how much I need to give this experience a meaning.

This is why I’m talking about stillbirth.

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