stillbirth

First post on a new blog. What should I write, what should I write. Maybe it’s best to start with an answer to the question- why am I talking about stillbirth.
The first simple reason is that I want to.
I want to talk about stillbirth because I think it is not talked about enough. People try to avoid this topic. They do this because stillbirth is a difficult thing to hear about. So much pain, deep sadness, and the sheer thought that pregnancy can end with the death of our baby is a hard thing to handle.
But reality sometimes makes us face hard things to handle.
And life sometimes forces us to go through difficult things like stillbirth.
Conclusion: sometimes, life’s a bitch.

I don’t see this as a good reason to go on with the silence that surrounds stillbirth. I would suggest changing the rules and talk about all those things we “shouldn’t” speak of over the years: our struggles, traumas, loneliness, anger, sadness, and so on.
If we talk about it more, maybe it will be a little less challenging. Perhaps we will be able to help others who go through similar struggles. If we talk about it more, maybe we won’t feel so alone with our feelings.
I am not a fan of silences that hide emotions and feelings, especially around trauma.

This understanding brings me to the second reason why I want to talk about stillbirth:
I hope the loss I went through will have a meaning.
I don’t know why I went through stillbirth. I don’t know why I had to go through 37 weeks + 3 days of pregnancy, with all the check up’s and discomfort and everything that pregnancy brings with it, all this for- what exactly?
Why did I have to lose a baby?
There’s no one answer to this question. It’s one of those things that the answer is up to us. I can decide the answer to this question. If there’s a meaning that I can connect with, I just might feel more at peace with this experience. I might understand why I went through stillbirth.

One of four pregnancies ends in stillbirth. Why was my pregnancy the one? Why did this happen to me?
As I write this, I realize how much I need to give this experience meaning. And the meaning, for me, is to help others.
This is why I’m talking about stillbirth.

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